I want to write about my personal dating experience I've had since I started wearing wigs. Some good, some bad, some just questionable.
So it's been a couple of months since I've done this and I've had a couple of dates and I will say I feel better going into a date knowing they already know I'm wearing a wig. I did recently go on a date with a guy and it came up and he had no idea (clearly didn't read my profile) and haven't seen him again.
Let me start this off by saying that I am single, and actively dating, trying to find my lobster. I have tried meeting people organically, online, apps, even a dating show in the UK (not an experience I care to repeat). This may be a longish post so buckle up and enjoy.
via GIPHY
Dating for me has been very hot and cold. I have had 2 serious relationships, both during my 20s and I hadn't lost my hair at that point. Alopecia for me at that stage was just something I had and saw a doctor every 4 weeks or so for some needles and that was it. It was never something we discussed or questioned.
Fast forward to my time in London where my hair-loss really kicked it up a notch and and my self-confidence took a rather large hit. I could no longer conceal my hair-loss as it had reached the crown of my head so I decided it was time to invest in a wig. It was nerve-wracking and I was terrified people could tell I was wearing one. Dating with my wig on while having my hair underneath wasn't too much of an issue, but it got to the point where I was so frustrated and depressed with my appearance every time I looked in the mirror, my best friend Jade helped me shave my head which made wearing a wig more comfortable... this however meant that when it came to dating, I was now bald under my wig. *goodbye remaining confidence*
I remember going on a date with a guy I met through a mutual friend. We had met a couple of times and he asked me out to dinner. After dinner we went to a little cocktail bar where we were kissing and when he went to reach the back of my head I pulled away and said I didn't like people touching my hair as it freaked me out, hoping he would drop it... alas he didn't and kept asking me to explain why I didn't like people touching my hair. Eventually I told him about my alopecia and he was really understanding (or so it would seem). He even went on to say he understands why I was self-conscious, he said he had 2 kids and when he told girls about them they usually ran a mile. So I walked out of that date feeling good about myself, here was a cute guy who I got along with, was kind of hot and was ok with the fact I wore a wig. Two days later he calls me. After some small talk he then goes onto say that he's had a think about my alopecia and decided it was too much baggage for him... I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I told him that was fine, take care, wish you well in all your future endeavours etc etc... but inside I was reeling. Too much baggage??? This coming from the guy who has 2 kids??? I was so upset, not because he didn't like me enough to try to get past it, but he literally verbalised my own insecurities.
Thank you, NEXT!
One commonality I was experiencing was I could go on 1, 2, 3 dates with someone, but once I mentioned the fact I have alopecia and wearing a wig, I never heard from them again. I'm hoping it was their superficiality that made them run and not my personality.
There was a TV series that aired in the UK called 'Too Ugly For Love?' and the in the first series that showed a lovely girl with Alopecia trying to find love. Back then I was fairly active on Twitter and we tweeted each other a bit while the show was on the air which lead to the production team reaching out to me to see if I would like to be involved in season 2. After lots of consideration and meetings, I agreed. Let me put this nicely... those dating shows are edited to within an inch of their life. One date was made to look like one big awkward silence thanks to the power of editing. I met a number of guys on the show but they were appeared to be on there for their own motives. And I decided to move back to Australia so wrapped up filming and dreaded the air date. Thankfully it was a only aired on a small channel and it didn't get any traction over here in Australia.
Since being back, I've had 2 semi-serious relationships that didn't end up going anywhere. Both thankfully were really kind and supportive about my alopecia and being a wig wearer. I've been on Tinder, Bumble and now Hinge (what's next who knows?). And for nearly 4 years I refused to put my alopecia on my profiles. I kept saying to myself that it was no ones business but my own that I have alopecia. I had this thought that I'd be pre-judged about it and it was my story to tell the right person when I felt comfortable doing so.
And then I had a lightbulb moment. I was sitting in the sauna at my gym and talking to a lady who was going through a divorce. We got onto the topic of dating and her thoughts with online dating, and trying to decide if she should mention her kids on her profile. She asked me if I put my alopecia on my profile and I said I didn't. And what she said flipped everything on its head. 'If you put that you have alopecia on your profile, you wont waste your time with the boys (not men) who may have a problem with it'. I had never considered it from that angle. So I went home and updated my Hinge and Bumble profile. I even have a photo of me wearing my pink bob as one of my photos. This was something I had never done before.
Dating for me has been very hot and cold. I have had 2 serious relationships, both during my 20s and I hadn't lost my hair at that point. Alopecia for me at that stage was just something I had and saw a doctor every 4 weeks or so for some needles and that was it. It was never something we discussed or questioned.
Fast forward to my time in London where my hair-loss really kicked it up a notch and and my self-confidence took a rather large hit. I could no longer conceal my hair-loss as it had reached the crown of my head so I decided it was time to invest in a wig. It was nerve-wracking and I was terrified people could tell I was wearing one. Dating with my wig on while having my hair underneath wasn't too much of an issue, but it got to the point where I was so frustrated and depressed with my appearance every time I looked in the mirror, my best friend Jade helped me shave my head which made wearing a wig more comfortable... this however meant that when it came to dating, I was now bald under my wig. *goodbye remaining confidence*
I remember going on a date with a guy I met through a mutual friend. We had met a couple of times and he asked me out to dinner. After dinner we went to a little cocktail bar where we were kissing and when he went to reach the back of my head I pulled away and said I didn't like people touching my hair as it freaked me out, hoping he would drop it... alas he didn't and kept asking me to explain why I didn't like people touching my hair. Eventually I told him about my alopecia and he was really understanding (or so it would seem). He even went on to say he understands why I was self-conscious, he said he had 2 kids and when he told girls about them they usually ran a mile. So I walked out of that date feeling good about myself, here was a cute guy who I got along with, was kind of hot and was ok with the fact I wore a wig. Two days later he calls me. After some small talk he then goes onto say that he's had a think about my alopecia and decided it was too much baggage for him... I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I told him that was fine, take care, wish you well in all your future endeavours etc etc... but inside I was reeling. Too much baggage??? This coming from the guy who has 2 kids??? I was so upset, not because he didn't like me enough to try to get past it, but he literally verbalised my own insecurities.
Thank you, NEXT!
One commonality I was experiencing was I could go on 1, 2, 3 dates with someone, but once I mentioned the fact I have alopecia and wearing a wig, I never heard from them again. I'm hoping it was their superficiality that made them run and not my personality.
There was a TV series that aired in the UK called 'Too Ugly For Love?' and the in the first series that showed a lovely girl with Alopecia trying to find love. Back then I was fairly active on Twitter and we tweeted each other a bit while the show was on the air which lead to the production team reaching out to me to see if I would like to be involved in season 2. After lots of consideration and meetings, I agreed. Let me put this nicely... those dating shows are edited to within an inch of their life. One date was made to look like one big awkward silence thanks to the power of editing. I met a number of guys on the show but they were appeared to be on there for their own motives. And I decided to move back to Australia so wrapped up filming and dreaded the air date. Thankfully it was a only aired on a small channel and it didn't get any traction over here in Australia.
Since being back, I've had 2 semi-serious relationships that didn't end up going anywhere. Both thankfully were really kind and supportive about my alopecia and being a wig wearer. I've been on Tinder, Bumble and now Hinge (what's next who knows?). And for nearly 4 years I refused to put my alopecia on my profiles. I kept saying to myself that it was no ones business but my own that I have alopecia. I had this thought that I'd be pre-judged about it and it was my story to tell the right person when I felt comfortable doing so.
And then I had a lightbulb moment. I was sitting in the sauna at my gym and talking to a lady who was going through a divorce. We got onto the topic of dating and her thoughts with online dating, and trying to decide if she should mention her kids on her profile. She asked me if I put my alopecia on my profile and I said I didn't. And what she said flipped everything on its head. 'If you put that you have alopecia on your profile, you wont waste your time with the boys (not men) who may have a problem with it'. I had never considered it from that angle. So I went home and updated my Hinge and Bumble profile. I even have a photo of me wearing my pink bob as one of my photos. This was something I had never done before.
At this stage I'm still single, looking for my lobster. I'll keep you posted if this changes though.
From this baldie,
Chloe xxx
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